Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
