It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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