please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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