my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
