Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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