when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I have aggressive nipples.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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