How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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