So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
And then he peed in my hair
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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