Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
