just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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