I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
