Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
