totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
