My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize