"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
