This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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