you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
