Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
