i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
