In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
