Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just had sex on a roof
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
