you win again, gameday.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
