Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
