and she was petting her beer can
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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