I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
