so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
this is an emotional support booty call
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
