you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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