I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
