He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
