were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
