Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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