I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Terrible idea I love it
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
