highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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