I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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