He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
