I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
