too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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