I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You need Xanax blowdarts
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
