I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize