Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
