My liver just broke up with me...
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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