xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
