New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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