Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
