he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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