Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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