My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize