I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
