I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
