Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
