my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
