Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize