one two three fourrrrnication!
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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