If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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