Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
