She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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