She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
