we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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