so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
