I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I want to walk on stilts...naked
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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