i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
no you cant smoke seaweed
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize