my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
