I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I had to cum in my sink.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize