$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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