Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
