The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
