So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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