ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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