You can't motorboat a personality
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
