He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
