At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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