he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
