The maid of honor just puked.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
