it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize