Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
