We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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