Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
