It's Friday. Sex?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
