If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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