ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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