no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We're too hungover to prance.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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