the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
