Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize