you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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