Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
