I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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