I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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