Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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