Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize