3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
