she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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