life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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