oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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