I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
