who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
