So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize