First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
God, I missed his penis.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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