I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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