listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
