walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize