i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
