This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
