I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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